It’s painful for both. It’s a loss not matter what. It took me 2 years to get to the divorce talk with my ex. It wasn’t an over night thing. The problem was that silently I was falling apart and seemed okay. I kept telling him what was happening to me as wife and he didn’t take it seriously, until it was too late.
I often went to bed sad and depressed, our intimacy and communication was not the greatest – If I didn’t pursue either – it wouldn’t happen. I tried very hard to discuss our situation. I asked other ladies who had long term marriages for their advice. Some had made it work but I also met a few who were married over 20 years with someone who they couldn’t stand. I was heading that route. I knew it. I didn’t want for either of us to spend the rest of our lives miserable.
It was best to find happiness elsewhere – with someone who really understood us. It’s very very painful to go through this process. It was selfish of me to take that leap – but it was also selfish of him to not acknowledge what I was going through and feeling during that time. He blamed everyone else except himself for what I was doing – he blamed me for ending it – it takes two to make something work – its not a one sided ordeal.
He would’ve been okay if I stood in the marriage – but what about me? I was not okay. Who is selfish then? I guess the person who ends it gets most of the blame – playing the victim is easier than being the bad guy.
People who really want to build a life together don’t go into a marriage thinking about divorce – They do it because they want to be together.
There are other wonderful people who are ideal for us. This was the first time I made such a decision… I had been engaged and dumped in the past so I know it hurts a whole lot to be on the other end. But it passes. We become stronger and learn to not make the same mistakes again. At least that’s been my case.
I was fortunate to meet someone very special during my most sad days. It has been almost 4 years now. My ex has a girlfriend…
I married the man of dreams and God is the center of our home.
I have to say I often think about my ex and pray for his happiness and for him to find the woman of his dreams.
Life is too precious to live it next to someone who doesn’t honor our love, hopes and dreams – We must be courageous to live a life worth living.